a memoir by
Mary-Anne McArdy
Book Reviews
'Disengaged' by Julie Kovendy
"An insider’s view of the impact of abuse"
This harrowing and insightful first person account of a survivor of childhood sexual abuse provides an insider’s view of the impact of abuse.
The narrator provides an account of long-term sexual, physical and psychological abuse and its effect on her and her two sisters during their childhood and in their adult years. The recalled childhood perception of the abuse is poignant and heart-rending.
The description of the long-term effects of abuse on family relationships and adulthood is perceptive and highlights the importance of immediate interventions when abuse is suspected. The description of overcoming the effects of childhood abuse during adulthood illustrates the power of human resilience and the ability of individuals to break free of learned helplessness that can be instilled by abuse.
In the case of the narrator of ‘Two Minds’, adulthood empowerment included breaking forty years of silence surrounding the abuse and involving the legal system to bring about delayed justice and prevent potential further abuse.
Nicola Schutte, PhD
Armidale, NSW
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“Two Minds is revealing, compelling and deeply moving"
As a doctor working in a small rural community, I have, somewhat reluctantly and by default, become something of a “specialist” in child sexual abuse. Four years ago I experienced my first disclosure from a woman in her late thirties, relating to abuse dating almost thirty years previously. Her case, only days ago, has resulted in a conviction and, perhaps, the beginning of closure. In four years I have had thirty six such disclosures, each different, and yet each harbouring common themes of betrayal of trust, and loss of self esteem and sense of self. Perhaps the most memorable was Mary-Anne Mc Ardy's sister, Julie. This is how I came to read “Two Minds”.
I have read numerous accounts of historical child sexual abuse, most autobiographical, but some geared to research, each more tragic than the next. So it was, with trepidation, that I approached “Two Minds”. I felt, prior to reading Mary-Anne’s book, that I had little more to be learnt from this reading genre. How wrong was I proven!
This book, heartbreaking and shocking though it is, represents the ultimate description, and hence explanation, of the “Stockholm Syndrome”, which is the tendency of the victim to identify with, and even love and protect her abuser. Until reading “Two Minds” I hadn’t fully comprehended the degree of control a family abuse perpetrator has over his victims, even in his absence.
The long term effects of this control, and the total betrayal of love, innocence and trust are dealt with sincerely and without adornment.
For any person who works with victims of child sexual abuse, for any victim or family of victim, or – dare I say it – for any perpetrator of this evil, “Two Minds” is revealing, compelling and deeply moving.
Congratulations, Mary-Anne, for daring to bare the soul of yourself and your sisters in order to help us, the ill informed, deal with such an all pervading epidemic.
Dr Vivienne Tedeschi
Giingan Darrunday Marlaanggu
Bowraville, NSW
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"This honest and frank memoir will inspire those who have experienced abuse"
Mary-Anne’s story is both horrifying and disturbing, and yet one is compelled to read on to the end in the hope of learning of a positive outcome for the child (and young adult) who, along with her sisters, endured so much sadistic sexual and shocking physical abuse at the hands of her father. So often in such cases, the repeated threats are effective in forever silencing those who have been subjected to such abuse. The lack of corroborative evidence often poses an enormous barrier to successful litigation and further serves to preserve the secret and protect the perpetrators.
Mary-Anne tells her story from the perspective of the child through to the young adult, capturing the thoughts and feelings she experienced at the time in response to the events that occurred and the abuse that she suffered. As the reader follows her journey, Mary-Anne shares her emerging realisation of the fact that such patterns of behaviour in families are not “normal”. She details her gradual discovery of her own personal power and her ability to finally put an end to the sexual abuse and manipulation by her father, motivated by her strong moral obligation to protect others who were clearly vulnerable and at risk.
What is so unique about Mary-Anne’s story, compared to the many autobiographies that have already been written on the topic of having been subjected to child sexual abuse, is that we are given insight into an extraordinary situation where she and her two sisters were systematically and simultaneously groomed by their father from a very young age to be his sexual and domestic slaves. Her father’s tactics served to “divide and conquer”, leaving the sisters feeling isolated from, and wary of, each other. Mary-Anne’s account explains how difficult it is for children, and even adults, to report such abuse. The sense of shame and embarrassment can be so encompassing, and the fear so palpable, that even sharing ones history when in a trusting and loving relationship, can be enormously difficult.
This honest and frank memoir will inspire those who have experienced abuse, helping them to recognise that the abuse was not their fault, and possibly motivating them to report the abuse, or to at least share their stories with someone they can trust, such as a psychologist, counsellor or teacher. Through her story, such professionals will also gain a greater understanding of the cognitive processes involved for children and adults who have been subjected to ongoing sexual and/or physical abuse. The more awareness there is of some of the observable behavioural patterns in children subjected to abuse, the more chance there is that someone will act to encourage a child to disclose what is troubling them, and possibly prevent the abuse for continuing long into the future.
Thank you, Mary-Anne, for having the courage to share your story. I hope, as you do, that your story will serve to educate and alert people to the tragic fact that child sexual abuse is not a rare event in our society. If we are aware of some of the signs, then we can report (anonymously, if we wish) our suspicions or concerns to the Child Abuse Report Line. It is not our job to investigate or be one hundred percent certain before reporting - it is important that we simply report our genuine concerns. How much more suffering, humiliation and despair could have been spared for Mary-Anne, her sisters and others, had one or more people made such reports somewhere along the way!
Merrilly Watson
Psychologist
Adelaide, SA
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